It Kinda Makes Me Very Happy

You're at your dad's again. But I'm taking it better this time.
Maybe it's cause the whole time you were gone I made sure I wasn't alone the whole time.
I was at Ivan's house.
I missed you terribly. And I still will until you're back here in my arms.

You love me. I know you love me a lot. I can tell by the way you look at me and by the way you touch me or hug me. I'll be in the kitchen doing something, and you will just come up behind me and just hug me. I love it when you do that. Or when I'm doing something silly and you just look at me with this cute smile and I ask, "what?" and you just say ," nothing, you're just cute."  No you, baby. 

But what made me smile the most was you're text tonight.
Just us talking about how much we miss each other and this is how it went:
You: "I miss you"
Me: "I miss you too, like a lot :l"
You: "Lol :)"
Me: "Why you laugh at me?! D:"
You: "Because I started thinking about you and was happy."

Yeup that pretty much topped off a good night. You make me very happy and just know what to say to make me smile.  I can't wait for you to move in.

The truth is, If I could be with anyone, I would still be with you.
IHeartYou.

I Sat Here.

I sat here, in this very spot.
All, damn, day. Waiting for you to come.
It's not your fault you're not here, but that doesn't stop me from bawling my eyes out.
I really wanted to see you today. I was really hoping to since you've been gone at your dad's since Friday. it's been awhile since I haven't seen you for more than a day.
This sucks really bad.
I seriously sat here waiting, I could have gone out and did something, like go to the movies.
But no.
I sat right here, in his very spot, waiting for you to come.
That's pretty pathetic.

Happy 2/5 Month

And I didn't even get to see you today.
But it's alright, you had Dance practice x)

We've been intimate and basically together for 5 months
It's been official for 2.
I like the sound of 5 months better.
So happy 5 months baby.
Sorry you don't like celebrating anniversaries. I'll just enjoy this one myself :p
This is the longest relationship I've ever been in. And I'm so glad that it's with you. I would have never thought that in a million years, like when I first met you, that you were the one that I was going to be with longer than anyone. There is a lot that I would have never thought would happen with you that did.
Like having amazing sex.  I've always thought that I just wasn't a sexual person and could go the rest of my life without sex. But I've always been sexually attracted to you, so that pretty much helped.
5 months down the road, and we have no problems. We've never really had any major problems.
Except a long while back when we didn't talk for a week. But we got over it.
I can't even really see us fighting over anything. We're too much alike.
And I love it.

I actually let you read this blog. I let you read it all. I was nervous to do so, cause i didn't want you to think I was a creeper or obsessed with you or anything. I just have a lot of feelings that I like to vent out. But you read it. And I think you liked it. And you don't think of me any differently.
That was me letting my walls downs finally, and I don't think you will give me a reason to build them back up.

I cannot wait until you move in with me. 3 more months and you will be mine, sweet, mine. You seemed happy about it too. It's going to be amazing. We don't have to worry about your dumb mom anymore.
Then the next step is saving enough money to move out of my mom's house. Or saving up enough money to travel for a year. That's our plan after we graduate. Just running off for a year just us and the world.
I really do want to spend the rest of my life with you.
I'm ready for this Rollercoster ride called life
And would very much like you by my side.

Rollin Confessions

When people roll, they tend to have verbal diarrhea
and just say everything and anything that comes to their mind.
We rolled on Friday.
And it was waay better when I rolled with Cody.
It was our first time rolling together outside of a rave and you weren't burnt at all. And the things you confessed to me, made me smile so big.
You told me that you're happy that I'm your girlfriend
You told me that you really want to marry me.
You told me that we're good together cause we are two super awesome and amazing people.
You told me that you love me.
We talked about how happy we are with each other. You like how long I've liked you and it makes me smile that you like it. I'm glad that you're glad that I'm your girlfriend. And I think that rolling makes us closer cause of the confessing. We cuddled a lot more that night and last night. I love it.
I also loved it when you were holding me ever so tightly and you said,
"I just wanna lay like this forever."
Then we continued to sing "Stand with you on a mountain" By Savage Garden
I really cannot wait until you turn 18. Then you can finally live with me. Fuck living with your dad. You're welcome right here in my bed.
Baby, You're amazing.
Even with all the crazy shit you do and the shit you make me do
I still love you and couldn't love you any less<3

Our Future Together

It needs to be a little more planned out.

You told me the other day that you wanna marry me and have kids with me. That made me soo happy to hear you say that. We just gotta figure out how were gonna make this work. You wanna move up to Temecula with your dad. You just wanna live there cause he has a really nice house. You want me to go with you but I'm no sure your dad wants to pay for me to live there also, so I guess I'm hopefully gonna get an apartment up there. Kinda bugs me that you would rather live with your dad than your future wife.

You finally got to spend the night last weekend. And my mum worked Saturday night so we had the night to ourself. Didn't turn out as great as I thought, but I did get my nana. It was some intense nana too but one night I would perfer if we actually "make love". We have yet to do that, just some great fucking. But I think it'd be great just to make some sweet sweet love to you. The times you are in the mood to do it, we aren't able to.
But you know, as soon as we turn 18 and we get our hotel room for a few days. It's gonna be amazing.
I just can't wait to have children with you. I just need to get a stable job and a stable place to live and then we can start a family together, that is if you're not living with your dad.

We have 4-8 months to figure out what were gonna do in the future,
Whatever it is, I hope it's together.

Oh Baby You

Finally you made it to my bed today. Today started out crappy, but ended cause my mum kidnapped you.
You said you missed sleeping with me in my bed, I've missed you too. I just wish you could have stayed the night. For multiple reasons. One cause I wanna wake up in your arms. And two cause
We both have some sexual frustration built up. If only my mum wans't home, I would have jumped your bone right then and there. It turns me on how turned on you get. Ohmygawd how it turns me on. I really wish we had our own place, or had a house to our self for a night.
You are amazing, you know that. And I love you.
I
I love
I love you.

I Just Feel Like Venting.

But not in a normal way, no In a way that will most likely break my computer.
I need to take out some of my angry.
Why angry you ask?
My boyfriend doesn't really bother to talk to me. SO YOU KNOW WHAT?
Forget it. If he wants to talk to me, he can text me or whatever.

I really wanna like slam my fist on this damn keyboard. Like Donkey Kong Style.
I'm so annoyed right now. I really wish he would put some effort in this relationship
and make me fell at least thought of when I'm not around

It's be nice to know if your thinking about me.

.....
meh what the hell:

hb,fk,mf,n fjen fjkedfckmjejg rbjfcedwjk vd vkene nre nebuhr4o3rggubnf3rfncke
eirjrjujunbhvnjinbnwfcniurfdbrebgnjkbfnuiJKASNBJHBNJSBJCEDBAJFEDNJKVAENJIKEFE
BV REGVBFEGDFBJGFRED GFEJVFDJKGVFNJEKNFJEKBN FDH4H3IHI3BU3U2UEBU
UI6HGUTVHBEDBFEJSDJKDNBDJGFSDKJFNWKJNRFDNKH DKEW[' IFBGTSB FHKBHRDBJHIsb

*sigh*
That was me slamming my fingers on the keyboard, and typing obnoxiously.
It actually made me feel a little better.
Just like when I would get mad, I would scream in a pillow.

Blaah.

I Miss You

I just miss you being here with me.
Cause when your here with me, I don't feel sad because you're here holding me and staring me in my eyes making me feel beautiful. And I love that feeling. Just you staring at me, not saying anything, and slightly smiling at me makes me feel content.
I'm resisting the urge to cry right now. Mainly cause my nose is stuffy and I don't want to make it worse. I just wish you kept your phone attached to your hip and didn't fall asleep so early. All I really need is a simple "Good-night<3" from you and I can go to sleep comfortably. But without that, it takes awhile for me to finally force my self to go to sleep, even if I am tired. I did a lot of walking today and I just want to pass out, but instead I'm up at 12:12am typing in this blog listening to music wishing you were here with me. I'm glad I got to spend the night at your house last night, but I didn't get to cuddle with you cause you passed out on the couch and I was on the floor. But you did get up in the middle of the night and come on the ground with me and laid next to me. Just next to me, a little farther than I hope though. I would have cuddled up to you, but you get hot easily and didn't want you start sweating everywhere with my warm body next to yours. I understand that your sick.
I wish your mum wasn't such dicks and kick me out at 7 in the morning. And I wish you cared more to just do what she wants without arguing. You should just do whatever she wants just so she'll let you do what you want. I'm just sad and upset and lonely and I think your like the only person who can cure this loneliness.
But you're so far away. And it sucks.
I just wish you cared a little bit more.

This Is Where It All Started

This was the first day we hung out.  The day we really met.
This was the day I knew you would be mine. You made me laugh and we connected like no other. We went to your house that night and you introduced me to your mom. You made me smile and I thought you were the cutest, most attractive person I had seen in a long time. The night before, we were on Stickam and you were telling me how I'm the most beautiful black girl you had ever seen. You would always tell me how beautiful you thought I was. I fell for you instantly. But you were getting over your ex, and you said "you didn't like black girls". But I knew the way you talked about me, you would eventually change your mind.
Oh baby, I'm glad you did. I've never been happier in a relationship. I'm positive this relationship will not end up like the others. I won't let it. With the others, I was new to relationships, or wasn't to in to them. But this one, I'm not letting anything go wrong. If anything bad happens, I'ma fight against it. I have so much faith in this relationship. I'm not gonna screw this up, in no shape or form. I won't let myself.

Cause I don't think I'd be able to let this go.

At Last

I did it.
And now you are officially mine. I am so glad. I'm glad we finally talked it out. I know you don't want to hurt me, but this is a chance I'm willing to take. And plus I don't hold grudges. So if anything would happen, I'd still remain friends with you. I couldn't have you in my life. We've been too close of friends for so long to do that.
And like I told you, the only thing that would most likely hurt me, if you cheated on me, which you said you wouldn't do so I'm not to worry. And you afraid to fuck something up between us. I assure you nothing will go wrong as long as you remain mine.
It hasn't really hit me that you are actually mine. All mine and nobody else's. I think it's cause I'm a little annoyed that you took "Skittles" which is stoopid. But you say you regret it. So whatever.
But like i said, I'm glad that you are finally mine.
And I reeaally hope I don't do anything to fuck this up.

"Brightly Wound"

This is song is so amazing. And I just think of you every time I listen to it. One cause I heard it first with you and two cause it's just perfect. I just listen to it on repeat.
Every word just reminds me of you. And it makes me so happy.

"It's happening all the time, When I open my eyes. I'm still taken by surprise. I hold sunlight and swallow fireflies. And it makes me want to cry. 
I love you

I shall never grow up. Make believe is much too fun. Can we go far away to the humming meadow?

We were walking there, And I had tangles in my hair. But you make me feel so pretty. You have shining eyes, Yes like those forest lights. And it makes me want to cry
I love you"


I just love it so much. I love you so much. And I'm afraid of losing you to anyone else.
This is what happens when you date an attractive person, other people also think they're attractive also. Like that bitch at your school dance tonight. I knew something like that was gonna happen. Bitches all on your shit, trying to kiss you and what not, yeah not okay with me. But I'm just aggravated by the fact when people try hitting on you, you don't say anything about you already having someone. That's the only thing I dislike about our relationship. I want you to be able to say, "No, I already have an amazing girlfriend that I love very much."
Or something along those lines. :p
But seriously, I try talking to you about it kinda. But it's like you don't wanna or you're afraid or something.
I remember after we had a nice night out, and you walked me to my door, hugged me and kissed me. And As you were about to walk away, I grabbed your hand and just asked, "Can we go out now?" And I was so sure you were gonna say yes. But you just said, "No." and kept walking. I was really hurt but brushed it off.
Then another time we got drunk together, and you kinda tried to explain why you hadn't asked me out yet.
But it didn't make any sense.  You said something like, we're to bad-ass people individually and your think if we were together, I don't even know.
But you know what, I'ma try one more time. I'ma look you straight in the eyes and ask you why we are not together yet. And you better not give me some bullshit reason. I've been through enough bullshit with guys. It's another reason why I'm more attractive to chicks, cause with the girls I've been with (except one) I haven't gotten that emotional involved. So I didn't get hurt. But it's different with guys. I guess I fall for guys faster than girls, but I'm more attracted to girls. I'm weird. 
But to get to my point. With you, how I've liked you for soooo long, and now I finally have you, I will seriously be heartbroken. That's like the main reason why I haven't really said anything about us. I am afraid that you're just gonna give up on me and be like the other guys; "I don't really wanna be in a relationship, I just wanna do my own thing." Or like with the other guy I attempted to be with."You just want the label or calling me your boyfriend. Why does it have to be all complicated??" Blah blah I suck and I'm a fag blaah"
I'm afraid of something like that happening. I don't just want it for the label of "Boyfriend & Girlfriend"
I want it so I can call you mine, and only mine. And that I'm yours and ONLY yours. So I don't have to worry about you being able to do things with other people. If you haven't noticed, I'm a rather jealous person.
But anywhozer, Hopefully I'll grow the balls to speak to you about it tomorrow at my friend's birthday party.
Hopefully there will be some "drinks" to give me more courage. 
But ya never know:
"Maybe this time is different. I mean I really think you like me."

My Survey For You

1st off whats his name?Wifey of course

What makes him so amazing?
Uhm pretty much everything

Does he bring out the best in you?
Pretty much yeah, He brings out my happy side :3

How old is he?
17 :)

How old are you?
17 also

How long have you been together?
Intimately  together: 3 months
Together as BFFs: 3 years :)

Do or did you celebrate monthly anniversaries?
Noo, but I would like too, He doesn't though x)

Have you ever broken up and got back together?
Nope

What sweet names or nick names do you call eachother?
I call him Wifey, and he just calls me what he pleases
i.e, Black goddess, Chocolate princesses x)

Can you talk to him about anything?
Yep

Can you trust him with your deepest secret?
I don't have any secrets, but perhaps

Can you share your every thought without questioning yourself?
Pretty much

Would you take a bullet for him?
I think I would :)
If you didn't have sex with him, would you cheat, or wait?
I would wait cause I'm sure it would be worth it
Whats most important to you in a relationship?
Communication and being comfortable around the person

Is it love or lust?
Mostly love with some lust thrown in there :)

Do you really know the difference?
Ohyeaah

Who gave whom their phone number first?
I'm not even sure xD

Was the 3-day phone rule used?
napes, we texted i think


Anything you wish to change about him?
Hmm maybe little things lol

What attracted you the most?
His attractiveness and his humor


Did you ever get butterflies?
Yeup and I still do

What are your intentions?
To grow up and old with him
Even if we aren't together I still want him by my side when I'm all old

Would you say your relationship is growing?
ohyes I would

If not, what would make it better?
His mum not being a bitch and being able to go to his house

Do you see a future with him?
Oh yes

Do you think he feels the same way?
I really hope so.
Have you discussed future childrens names together?
Ha yeaah

Has he bought you any jewelry?
nooo

Has he bought you any flowers or teddy bears?
nooo x)

What about chocolates when it wasn't Valentines Day?
lol I mean he's bought me a Twix before xD

Does he get along with your friends and family?
My mom yeah

Do the two of you live together?
We used too, until school started :p

Would you live together before marriage?
Yeah

Did you know eachother long before dating?
3 years :3

Where was your 1st date?
We've never really been on a real first date


Where did your 1st kiss take place?
At a free rave at boomers :3

Who said I Love You 1st?
Him :3

Where is he right now?
At his house

Do you think he will read this survey?
Not anytime soon lol






I like doing surveys, especially the ones that have to do with the last person you kissed and stuff like that.
I just enjoy having someone to talk about. I always like talking about you. I just feel like I gotta tell the world about how happy you make me. I can tell I make you happy also. I can just see it in your eyes when you look at me. And when we have to say good-bye. You kiss me like it's the last time you'll ever see me, even though I'll see you the next day. But it's never "good-bye", It's always "see you later."
I'm glad I saw you today, I was so worried about you. I'm glad your okay, and like I always say I don't know what I would do without you.  I love you Dylan "Wifey" Collins

I Need You With Me Tonight

I miss you. I just saw you today, but I just miss being with you everyday. I miss waking up everyday and seeing your face. Or waking up to you putting your arm around me. It just sucks your Mom all of a sudden dislikes me. I'm not aloud to spend the night, I'm not even aloud over. Which also sucks cause that's the only place we can..ehem..do the nana. Which I kinda miss also. Which is weird cause I used to never really like or care about sex until we did it. It's cause I finally did it with someone I have a connection with. And I've always found you sexual attractive. So that kinda helped also. It helped a lot. Oh baby, you're amazing ;)

Man, I'm really feeling icky right now. It's only cause you aren't replying to my text and everything is extra sensitive cause Aunt Flow & Uncle Tom are coming to visit. Which also sucks, cause we haven't been able to do the nana and now we really can't. But anywayz, I do feel really icky either way. I just wish you were here to hold my face and look into my eyes and do that cute smirk of yours. Ugh, Can you just teleport here for the night then teleport back to your house in the morning? I really need you here with me tonight.
I hate how emotional I get when I get near...the time of the month.

I just feel so alone right now. It sucks. I can't even go to sleep contently without you saying you love me and goodnight. It makes it difficult to sleep at night. It helps me make sure you're alright and that you know that I'm alright. But you're not replying, so something could be wrong, and I always think the worse. And now that I actually thinking about it I worried. Last I heard you were buying weed from a friend. and that was it. That was about two hours ago. I'm tearing up just thinking about if anything happened to you. I don't know what I'd do with myself. I need to stop thinking about it. It's not making anything any better. What I should think about is us and us going old together, with grand children.

I love you very dearly, and really wish you were here with me
Because I really need you with me tonight.

Oh You

I like talking to you about you. About how long I've liked you. I haven't really looked you in the eyes and told you how actually happy I am to finally be with you, but I'm sure you know.
It makes me giddy how you basically said seeing me with someone else. And you said that that was what pushed you to me, which means you cared from me back then.
All I'm saying is that I'm glad we're together now :)

First Day Of School

It's your first day of your last year at school.
I'm excited for you and sad that I'm not there to enjoy it with you. I feel a made a mistake going to a different school. If I would have known that US would be happening, I wouldn't have done it. I wish I could go back just so I can be with you every day. But what I'm really scared about is what will happen during the year.
I don't want you to change your mind about us.

That's what I'm most worried about. Cause I feel this is gonna be one of those "you don't know what you have until it's gone" things. I mean I know what I have with you, and it's amazing. But at the same time, your just there so I don't think much of it? But I know if you "break up" with me, I will completely break down. I've been soo happy that I finally got what I wanted after all this time and I'm not ready for it to end. I just hope this isn't just a "Summer Fling".

I wanna make it my goal to graduate with you and the rest of my class. When I actually think about it, I really do miss the High School experience. I wanna go to Winter Formal, I wanna get flowers delivered\ to my class for Valentine's Day, and I especially wanna go to Prom.

It's only the first day of school and I'm already bugging.
You know what I'm going to do, I'm gonna step up my game at this school so I can go back to Grossmont with you. It would be amazing to go to prom with you and to walk around with a blue cap in gown.
I don't care, I'm going back.

"I Don't Know, Are We?"

That was your answer to our friend when she asked if we're in love.
I just smiled and told you we are in really deep like.
I don't think we're quite in love yet.

If you have to question it, then we're not.
But I'm okay with it for now.
I just hope that one day, you won't have to question it.

Today was your last day staying here. It makes me sad that you're not here to lay with me. Every time we have to say good-bye, it's so sad. You hug me and kiss me like it's the last time. We make it seem like we will never see each other again, but we know that's not true. I will maybe see you tomorrow, not very likely, but for sure Tuesday.

I love you lots and lots. And someday I will be IN love with you.
And I know it will happen, since you have such sure thoughts about our future together

Rant.

You're laying not even two feet away from me,
I'm upset.
You're most likely debating on what to do.
It's nothing serious. But I'm still upset.
You know I don't like her.
So what makes you think that I'll be all fine and dandy with you ditching me for her?

This time you are actually ditching me. Other times you hang out with her I don't care but
This time we already made plans, and You're changing them to go with her.
WHY does it have to be tomorrow?
I was really looking forward to showing you off to my friend.
You can just simply go shopping on Tuesday,
I guess she can go too, I'll hold my tongue.

I'm just upset and trying to hold back my tears.
I know it's a stupid thing to cry over but I'm a wimp when it comes to people I like.
Especially when it comes to going with another girl, ESPECIALLY one I don't like.

I don't know. You really can do what you want. I'll care but it doesn't matter to me
As long as you're content with your decision.
But I know you're not cause you know that I'm upset.

I just want to go over there and cuddle with you like we do every night. But instead I sit here typing and ranting about how I'm upset about you going to hang out with a friend.
Like I said, I'm only pissed cause we made plans first and you're changing them to hang with her.

Gawd I really wanna cry. It makes me feel better and takes away the urge to do it in the first place.
But I don't want you to feel worse. And you'd most likely get teary eye'd too and I don't wanna see that.
It wouldn't make anything any better.
So I'ma sit here and keep it bottled up, at least until you fall asleep and you can't hear my sniffles.

I think I'm mostly upset cause I always get upset every time I have to leave you. I like you being there by my side 24/7.

This is fucking stoopid.
I really, really, REALLY just want to cry. I hate the feeling that I want to cry, but can't.
I tried, but when you move I have to clear my face. I might just "go to the bathroom" and just sit on the toilet and cry there. That just sound pathetic.

I know you're not hurting me on purpose. Cause I see it hurts you when I'm hurt.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I get jealous
I'm sorry I make it difficult for you to make simple decisions.
I'm sorry I'm kinda a fuck up.

I could be just PMSing, But I'm just upset.
I'm fuckin stoopid and get upset over little things.
I really hope I don't fuck up things up.

You know what, you do what you like.
I'ma have to just grin and bare it.

I'm sorry & I Love You.

/rant

Sweet Dreams

Oh Wifey,
I love you lots. But I'm not sure if it's LOVE.
I think I'm sure I'm not just quite in love with you yet. I am just in love with being around you. I'm rather content with that for now. I think my I'm keeping my guard up until school starts for you cause I'm not even sure what's going to happen when it does start.
Is this all gonna stop? I don't know what goes on in that crazy cute head of yours. It is possible you'll be like all the other guys I try to be with and say you're not "ready" for a "real relationship" or some crap. I hope/don't think that will happen. 
I can never be to sure of how you actually feel about me. I'm too afraid to ask cause I'm worried about the answer. But by the way you just look at me and then just smirk ever so slightly makes my heart flutter.
Or when you surprise me with random kisses.
Or just laying next to you in bed and you just caress my face and stare into my eyes. It's simply amazing.


Oh Wifey,
I like how we don't get sick of each other at all. We don't ever like being apart. Those two days we had apart sucked soo bad for the both of us. We would try to fill the void by playing Runescape until 3 in the morning.
It's kinda a lame game, but you make it fun and I don't even mind unless I have some kind of communication with you. And you always seem so sad when I make you go to bed. The only reason I make you go to bed is so that we can hurry and wake up so we can see each other again. We've been together everyday for a while now. I've lost count but I don't care cause you're here in my bed right now and that's all that matters.
You know what I love though? Our Bff-Wifi. I love that we always think of the same things and we even say things at the same time. It happens way more than it should, but I don't mind. Except when we did it in front of your ex. I think you felt awkward about that. I just feel awkward being around her period.
Blah enough about her. I try and not bring her up at all when we're together.


Oh Wifey,
I just love being around you and don't like imaging anything without you. I actually wrote you a love letter and actually gave it to you. It was two pages about how long I've wanted to be with you and that you make me happy. When you read it, you just came to the kitchen and hugged me and just kissed me. I also read you my old journal entries about how bad I wanted to sex you haha. You thought it was cute. I think you're cute.
Cute doesn't really describe you. Attractive is the word I use for you. When I use the word attractive, I mean the person is attracting me with their looks and that I would do some things with them if you catch my drift.
And you sir, are VERY attractive to me. Sometimes I'll just stop and look at you and just admire your "beauty" and wonder how I got so lucky. I'm just beyond happy that you are finally mine.


So Wifey,
As I sit here next to sleeping you, glancing over at you every few mins, I just am so happy that I get to wake up to you every morning. And I always think if you feel that same.
I mean you have to by the way you caress my face in the morning and give me a morning kiss, morning breath and all. 
So I shall end this entry so I can cuddle up next to you and fall into a deep sleep next to the one I heart.
Sweet Dreams♥

Misty Eye Good-Byes

I hate having to say good bye to you Wifey.
It really sucks.
Even before I even leave you, just the thought of leaving you
makes me miss you right then and there.

We don't even do anything all day.
Not a single thing except lay there and smoke. But I don't even care cause as long as I'm there with you while you have your arm around me holding me tight and kissing me, makes up for it.

I hate it.
I hate sleeping without you. My bed feels so empty and it's so quiet.
Just like my heart without you here.

When you're here, I'd just lay my head on your chest and slide my nails across your body
and just listen to you breathe and your heart race.

Saying Good-bye to you is more difficult then I have with anyone.
I actually have to fight back the tears, which is crazy cause I'm gonna see you tomorrow,
So why so sad?

Even with C. I never actually CRIED when I left him.
Maybe it's cause I have a waay different connection with you then I've had with anyone else.
A more closer, sexual, lovable level. And I love it.

I miss you Wifey already...
It sucks for now.
But soon I'll be back in your arms with your lips on mine.

I think I'm falling harder for you.

My New Finally Love

These past two weeks and three days have made me the happiest.
I've spent all those days
and hours
and seconds with you D, my "Wifey" <3

It's just soo surreal to me.
All the kisses and touches and stares and love making
I feel like I'm in a dream and I'll have to wake up
at any moment.
I really hope I don't any time soon.

We've gotten soo much closer, beyond the amazing friendship we've had in the past
You we're one of my bestest friends. But it's funny cause I've liked you every since I first saw you
and talked to you that wonderful night on Stickam. But you were so hung up on your ex
I just admired you from afar in my heart, but still became the best of friends with you.
Small crush and all.

I remember back in the day, when you were with your ex and I was in love with someone else (although i still liked you) and we would call each other late at night, crying. Either you or me. Calling and crying about the people we were in love with but we found comfort in each other's voice and calmed each other down until the other passed out. I miss those days.

But those days don't even matter anymore, cause now, your mine and I am yours. And it's amazing cause YOU are the one that I've always been after. I've always had hope and never lost it. I mean I would forget about it, but it was always there because I would see you everyday and that very attractive face of yours.

I remember I was always jealous of your ex. I still kinda am and feel so awkward when we hang out with her.
I just sit there and think and wonder if you will ever love me as much as you loved her. I will always wonder that. No matter how long down the road. I try and not do anything or find anything that will remind you of her or bring her up. I just feel awkward when you talk about her. But just so you know, I won't hurt you like she did.

I'm just soo happy that I finally have you. See good things do come to those who wait. And I've waited for you for a long time. And I'm counting down the seconds until I get to kiss you again.

Dear C,

I'm not in love with you anymore.

And I'm falling in love with someone else.
And not even with the guy I talked about in the last post.
Someone even better than him.

Problem is, it's someone you don't like at all.
But someone I've always had feelings for and I am sooo happy that I'm finally getting this chance.

Hate to say it, but thank Buddha for drugs. x)
If it wasn't for Saturday night, him and I would have never shared that kiss that set all this off.

That Saturday night was great, the next day was even better.
Him and I just laid in bed together, being dead from the night before. and ya know, makin out :p

I like how much he calls me beautiful.
It makes me feel wanted.

Yesterday was a fun day with him x)
I already told you about it, haha

But besides THAT part, Just laying next to him cuddling with him
or him just...brushing my hair outta my face with his hands and caressing my face, ahh<333

Then just waking up next to him is great,
Even if were not cuddling or anything, but his leg or hand touching mine works just fine

Trying to get him outta bed for school is/was difficult lol
He just gets up and falls right back down

When he fell down, i just laid there next to him
And he put his arm around me and we cuddled, And he kissed me.

I remember when him and I hung out everyday and walked home together
& I remember just looking at his lips and just wanting so bad to kiss them

Finally, I have, and I can whenever I want.
And it's amazing<3

You just simply refuse to kiss me for whatever reason.
So that's your lose.

And he's right, he is about 50 levels above you right now
Cause he's pretty much the only thing running through my mind

So I'm wrote this all just to let you know.
I'm no longer IN love with you, but I still love you dearly.

Besides, you have a plan for your future and what not
Him and I are just enjoying out teen years together before shit gets real

So as I finish this "letter" to you, that you will most likely never read
I will tell you one last thing.

You always have a spot in my heart,
and maybe if him and I don't work out in the long run

We will reunite
and it will feel so right

Love&Rockets,
Tia♥